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The Great Re-Alignment

Posted by on May 14, 2020 in Uncategorized | 0 comments

Nature is teaching us that we need each other. That community and cooperation are ultimately more important than separateness and competition. Here in America, our founding document is the Declaration of Independence. Our national story has always emphasized the importance of independence and personal freedom. And we in America have pushed the notion of independence farther than any society before us. Now Nature is calling us back to balance. It is showing us that we are, in fact, inter-dependent, and that our inter-dependence is more fundamental than our independence. How is it doing that?...

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The 4 Levels of Communication

Posted by on Apr 19, 2020 in Uncategorized | 3 comments

by Steven Kessler, MFT A friend recently told me about this way of assessing the depth of intimacy in any given communication and I found it very helpful, so I thought I’d pass it on to you. I have fleshed out each of the levels. Many of us are already aware of these levels unconsciously. Whatever social skills training we had was good enough that we just automatically sense what level of intimacy is okay in a given situation and shift into that. However, not all of us were so fortunate, so having an explicit map of these levels of communication can be a big help. 1. Small Talk –...

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Are Parts of You Missing?

Posted by on Oct 15, 2019 in Uncategorized | 0 comments

Do you feel like you’re not enough somehow? Not attractive enough? Not smart enough? Not good enough? Not _______ enough? What do you do about it? Do you try to improve yourself or accomplish something externally to make up for it? Or do you identify with it, say “that’s just who I am,” and feel deficient? Both these solutions are a mistake. Because you misunderstand the problem, you’re applying the wrong solution. It’s not that you’re missing something and need to get it, it’s that you’re disconnected from a deep part of yourself inside, so you...

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A Second Way to Calm Yourself When You’re Anxious

Posted by on May 25, 2019 in Uncategorized | 0 comments

Whenever you notice your body getting anxious, here’s another simple self-soothing technique you can use to calm yourself down. I call it The Fingertip Squeeze. All you do is squeeze the tip of each finger while you take in a slow, full breath and then slowly let it out. Using your thumb and forefinger, simply squeeze each finger of the other hand from side to side near the tip. If you feel up and down the fingertip area, you’ll notice that there’s a little dip on each side, about even with the base of the fingernail, and that squeezing there just feels right somehow. Do...

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How to Calm Yourself When You’re Anxious

Posted by on Apr 8, 2019 in Uncategorized | 2 comments

© 2019 Steven Kessler, MFT Whenever you notice your body getting anxious, here’s a simple self-soothing technique you can use to calm yourself down. I call it the AK 4-Point Rubbing Technique because I first learned it when I was studying Applied Kinesiology back in the 1970’s. To use it, you simply rub 4 points on the front of your body, all at the same time. The first 2 points are at the edges of your sternum (about 2 inches apart) and just under your collarbone. They’re called the collarbone points in EFT and K-27 on an acupuncture chart. To find them, start at the...

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How I Sold 10,000 Books

Posted by on Dec 10, 2018 in Uncategorized | 5 comments

Since I self-published The 5 Personality Patterns three years ago, I’ve sold over 10,000 copies. And at full price, I’m happy to say, not at give-away prices. About half of those sales were paperbacks, sold for $16 to $21, while the other half were ebooks, sold for $9.99 and up. I am a first-time author and self-publisher, so this has involved a steep learning curve and a ton of work, but it has also given me a profit of over $60,000. What are the ingredients needed for this success? Here’s the main point:  to decide to buy your book, each potential buyer must go...

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Gift Ideas for the 5 Personality Patterns

Posted by on Dec 6, 2018 in Uncategorized | 0 comments

One way to come up with gift ideas for your loved ones is to take a look at what kinds of things their personality patterns like. If you’re unsure how to discern which patterns a person does, take a look at my article How to Discern Your Patterns. And remember that each of us typically does two of the patterns, not just the one that is the most obvious. Here are some ideas:   Leaving – activities and things that are fun and playful activities and things that are creative or spark their curiosity things that take them to other worlds and other dimensions, like fantasy novels and...

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